Have you ever had life just smack you out of nowhere and leave you ashamed of yourself? That’s what happened to me yesterday at the beach.
I had a day off from sitting with my grandma and it was Michael’s and my 11th wedding anniversary so we decided to take a break from life and go to Clearwater with the kids. We had a great day going to an open air market and riding the ferry boat to the marina and then walking over to the beach.
As we walked to the water, my eyes were focused downward on my minions. The beach was crowded and the kids outnumber us now, so I was keeping my eyes on them like a laser tracker. We were about 20 feet from the water’s edge when we passed another family, not unlike the others we had been passing by, but this one caught my eye. It was a mom, bended down, helping a toddler and my eyes went to her legs as my inner hater noticed them. Long, toned, slim…everything my legs are not. After three babies and a few years of self-neglect, I’m a bit “squishy” all over, but even back in the skinny days, my legs were always my least favorite part. They are muscularly built and short. I could diet all day every day, and they would never look like her legs. My legs would have to surrender most of my quads and grow 4inches before they would look anything that resembled hers.
I wasn’t in a particularly self-loathing mood or anything, I felt relatively good about what I was wearing, it was just one of those reflex reactions to seeing a body part you wish you had.
My mind instantly had the thought “Oh, I would give anything to have her legs. Mine are so gross.”
And then she turned slightly and my heart sunk.
I didn’t get a good look at it because I was tromping by with my herd and I truly wasn’t staring at her. The whole encounter was probably less than 4 seconds long. But as she turned, I saw something strange about her right calf muscle. There was a massive scar there and the whole area where that calf should have jetted out, was concave and misshapen. My next thought, “What in the world is wrong with me?”
For one thing, I was there to have a great time with my family, not inspect other people or compare myself to them. But beyond that, how often have I seen the surface of someone else and envied them when I have no idea what they have gone through. If I had been given my knee-jerk wish, I would probably have a story of pain and difficulty along with the beautiful legs. Who knows what happened to her to give her such a drastic mark on her body. And I don’t know her but I bet she is not a huge fan of that spot on her leg. I wonder if she saw my stubby legs and wish the same of me because mine have never been through anything so painful.
It was a fleeting moment but it left a big impression on me. I am ashamed of how ungrateful I am about my body and how easily I envy someone else who I don’t know anything about. God created my body and sculpted it the way He wanted me to have it. It is unique and beautiful in His eyes. He gave me the body that grew and delivered three wonderfully weird little humans who I love more than my own life. He gave me a body that my husband loves. He gave me a body that enables me to live my life every day. How dare I be so ungrateful?
I don’t know if you struggle with your body image like I do, but if you do, please be encouraged to accept the gift that your body is. Learn from my shallow mistake and chose to appreciate your temple the way that it’s Creator made it. I’m trying to take better care of mine and make the most of it, but even if it never changes from the way it is right now, I am going to try harder to like it anyways.
