It’s hot outside. Like, really hot. The kind of hot that you avoid like the plague as you dash from your highly coveted shaded parking spot to the air conditioned store. The kind of hot that makes you sweat in un-lady-like places. It’s Florida hot.
Normally, this time of year sends me running to find my swimsuit to hit the closest source of water I can find. This year…I’ve been more hesitant.
I had been making great progress on my fitness and had begun to see excellent results in weight loss before my grandma got really bad. Then I got caught up in the stress, and emotional toll made a massive impact on my body. We went for about six or seven weeks living off of the southern comfort food brought in my friends and family. And let me tell you something, they don’t call it comfort food for nothin’. The inactivity of sitting by the bedside, the lack of sleep from overnight watches, and the emotional pain sent me to that comfort food more often than probably ever before. Needless to say, I lost about 90% of the progress I had made.
I wish I had been strong enough and disciplined enough to make better choices during that time, but, it is what it is and I can honestly say that I don’t regret anything. Anyways, all of that to say, my body is less prepared for water-play weather than I had hoped and planned on.
Now this is the part where I’m supposed to declare that I will wear my “tiger stripes” (pregnancy stretch marks) proudly and march to the pool full of confidence and love for my body and be all empowered and all of that crap. Not. Happening. The blog posts that get shared on Facebook that are full of women that are all “hash tag: body positive!!” are inspiring but completely unrealistic for me. I suppose that makes me less of a strong woman because I do care about how my body looks no matter what amazing feat of birth it has accomplished. But you know what? I am who I am and they are who they are and we are all ok.
You are still going to find me at the pool with my kids, but I will probably still be inwardly self-conscious and uncomfortable. It won’t hold me back from having fun or giving my kids a great summer, but it will make my wrap extra large towels around myself any time I can reach one.
In the mean time, I’m going to keep working on it and get back on track. I don’t want my girls to pick up on my bad habits or my self-conscienceness and develop bad body images of their own. Hopefully as I reach my goals, they will see a mom who is modeling healthy habits and a fitness oriented lifestyle. It doesn’t matter if I ever reach a size 6 again, it only matters that I am strong and healthy and feel proud of my body because it is the best that I can do with it. My short legs will never grow longer, my curvy frame will never be delicate, I will always have more muscle mass than the dancers on tv, and that is all completely ok with me. But these lumpy bumps and squishy bits…those I could definitely do without.