Why is there is a line between women and a perception that you must choose a side?
You are either pro-femininity or pro-feminism. There is no blending the lines. You can not possibly be both.
And yet, here I am. Actually, I often find myself not fitting into traditional boxes.
Many times I have seen women who are traditional, and/or conservative, be run over by feminists who seem to think that you are an affront to their cause by being a stay at home mom or pro-life or whatever. However, and unfortunately, the same offense can be found on the opposite side. Recently, I was in a meeting where it was made clear that married women in traditional roles were preferred over single moms. At one point, it was even stated that they teach the girls “femininity over feminism”. As a mom who is married and in a traditional role, I would easily make the cut, but, I’m not sure I want to.
Now, to be fair, I understand that it wasn’t intended to be an offensive statement. In fact, I know the person who made the statement and can say with confidence that she is genuinely a sweet person who meant no harm. Perhaps she has had sour experiences in the past, perhaps she is unaware of how her statement sounded, perhaps a thousand other possibilities.
But the fact of the matter is that no matter which side of the line you find yourself on, what is needed is more openness and education. I truly and passionately believe that both sides are needed and hold valuable components to female life that do not contradict the other side.
So what do I do? Do I join? Do I not? I don’t know yet. But I do know that no matter what outside influence my daughter encounters, whether it be in a highly controlled private setting or among a larger group of people and peers, I want my voice to be the one that she relies on and falls back to. And I also want her to question me about everything so that she learns the reasons and motivations behind the values I teach her. Of course, there are times when you can not explain everything in detail due to age appropriateness, and she should respect my guidelines regardless, but, whenever it is possible, I want her to understand and not just comply.
There is so much more to how I want to raise my daughter than I could ever put into a simple post on a modest blog. I’m not sure even where to start to sum it up. For now I would just say that I plan to teach her to be a feminine-feminist. To be a gracious and kind woman of God who is tender and generous and loving. To be strong and confident without being abrasive or rude. To not be afraid of standing up for herself to anyone and to demand and expect equality in how she is treated. To know her standards and beliefs and not allow anyone or anything to pressure her into anything that goes against them. To learn, and never be unwilling to consider new ideas and new discoveries. To never, ever, accept that she can’t or shouldn’t do anything that she is passionate about just because she is a girl.
To be a woman is a powerful thing. I think we have largely forgotten that “the hand that rocks the cradle, rocks the world”. We have an undeniable inner strength and ability to affect change in the world around us that is God-given. He has empowered us with intelligence and laced our hearts with a unique softness that thinly veils the undeniable strength beneath. Our responsibility is to harness that strength and learn to channel it into efforts that are not self serving, but also not self deprecating.
It is possible to embrace your softness and sweetness without sacrificing your strength.
Haven, Laelynn, please don’t allow anyone to ever persuade you otherwise.
Love, Mommy
