Everyone has heard the complaints, everyone knows the sad stories, everyone has had it up to ‘here’ with all the talk about negative body image. It’s the skinny model’s fault, it’s the designer’s fault, it’s TV’s fault, it’s the celebrity’s fault…give me a break already. How about we take responsibility for ourselves and call it what it is? It’s our fault.
It sounds like a very harsh thing to say, yes. And I absolutely do think that models and fashion and media have played a horrific role in this problem, but how strong would their influence be if the stronger voices stood up to them? Mothers, fathers, siblings, friends; these voices should always supersede the media. So why don’t they?
It seems as if there are three clubs that everyone is forced to join.
The first club is the “skinny or bust club”. This club contains a mixed group of girls that are already naturally thin: The average girls who are doing horrible things to their bodies in hopes of becoming thin; the girls who are mentally and emotionally depressed because of a need to fit in with the other girls of the club; and the media, mothers, and friends who all in the name of “health and happiness”, claim to not be a part of the club but do nothing to break the cycle destruction among the girls.
The second club is the “curvy girl club” which actually should be named the “we hate the skinny club so we are going so far in the opposite direction that we have fallen into the unhealthy, falsely proud, big-boned” group. This group, in the name of changing society, has drifted into the unhealthy realm of being over weight and inwardly are feeling isolated.
The third club has the fewest true members but should be the largest of the three, it is the “all about health club”. This club holds to individual standards when it comes to appearance because it has an understanding that every healthy figure is different. Also joining this group are the mothers and fathers and celebrities who endorse healthy eating, healthy self image, and exercise for health and not appearance reasons.
There are so many influences out there pushing women and girls in unhealthy ways. I have personally known 4 girls who have had their lives interrupted by body images that were so bad that they slipped into eating disorders. None of them, that I know of, had mothers who pushed them to be thin or boyfriends who picked on their bodies, so how did they end up there? Is it because of the models and magazines? Only partly. In my opinion, if a daughter is looking at an airbrushed image and making comments about how beautiful she is and the mother laughs it off or says nothing, the mother is to blame. As a mother, or a father, you have a stronger voice than that picture, but if you do not use your voice, you have given the silent approval of that behavior. Speak up!
How about having a conversation about health and true beauty instead of assuming that if your daughter is eating and not picking on her body out loud, everything must be ok.
Girls will always want to be beautiful and they will always be exploring what makes someone beautiful for their whole lives, me included. Be proactive, talk about how beautiful it is that God made her unique and that she has so much to offer other people through kindness. When your daughter complains about going up a size, ask her how she is feeling and if she feels as though her body is healthy. Go for a run with her in the name of strength, not the tags on her jeans.
I recently heard a great story that really sums up healthy body image.
An American woman had taken a trip to Africa and was interviewing African women on how they felt about being female in general when she stopped to ask one woman about her body image.
American Woman – How do you feel about your body?
African Woman – How do I feel about my body? What do you mean how do I feel about my body? I love my body! I love my arms, they are so strong! I love my hands…and my fingers, look at my pretty finger nails! and my legs, and my breasts….”
American Woman – “Whoa, (laughing), I dont know how to do that”
African Woman – “You don’t love your body? What is wrong with your body?”
American Woman – “Well, I have this stomach…”
African Woman – “What is wrong with your stomach? Your stomach is for showing! Look at that tree, do you like that tree?” (points to her left) “What about this tree, you like this tree?” (points to her right) “Just because this tree no look like that tree you think it’s ugly? You are a tree, I am a tree. You have to love your tree!!”
Personally, my tree could use a little work to get it back into shape (healthier shape, not smaller size shape) and I’m working on that because I am going to start loving and appreciating my tree more. My tree was designed by God, pear shape and all! He thought it was good enough, so I do too.
Anyways, all this to say, you should appreciate your body for all the ways it helps you to live the life you want. Encourage those around you, especially the females ones, to embrace their bodies too. Be a stronger voice and a bigger influence on your daughters, friends, sisters than the industry that has no interest in them outside of their money. Tell them to love their tree!
